I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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