She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
