I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
