in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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