You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
