No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
