Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
