So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
