My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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