You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
