I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will be naked everywhere
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
