sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
