He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Found the puke drawer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
