My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
