What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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