First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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