I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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