summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want to fling myself into the sun
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
