i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
