The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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