right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize