U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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