He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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