Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
