I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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