and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
