I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
