Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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