Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
