Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
