I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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