I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
