I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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