I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
