she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize