last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
