And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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