ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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