my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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