They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
