how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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