...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
