My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
