He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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