it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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