There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
