It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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