y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
