Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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