Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
