Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
