how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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