my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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