I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
