grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize