I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
