After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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