My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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