If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
