I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
