When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
