i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
