and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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