No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I touched a dick in church today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
