did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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