i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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