i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize