dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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