The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
