I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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