Well douche your snatch and let's go!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
