Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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