I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
