Well douche your snatch and let's go!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
