Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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