Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
