I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
did i just pee glitter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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