I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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