I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
