dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize