i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
