I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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