Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
