I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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