Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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