So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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