Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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