OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
