We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
