Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
