oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
