She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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