the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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