Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
