I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
