Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
is it fun? or sober?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
