Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
