i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
