have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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