He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
